I leave you all with one question and one idea only.  How much can one give to prove themselves worthy of something?

 

 

  Have I ever mentioned to you how badly college sucks?  Yeah, I thought being at home with my parents was bad until I came to college.  It isn't so bad some of the time, like during class or taking a stroll outside at random.  I just miss everyone at home so incredably much, especially my greatest friends, my co-workers, and my family.  A discussion came up between Sarah and I the other night and it's really gotten me thinking about what is important in my life.  I realized over the past few days that I have a lot of things to be thankful for.  I have the greatest friends possible, excellent co-workers, wonderful family members that support me, privilege to attend a great college, and beautiful essence of nature.  I have all of those and more, although I could not possibly list everything.  Now the question comes up... Do I want college and not much else, or real life with everything except college?  The things that are really important to me are back home.  What about my future?  Well, the only thing that I want my future to hold is someone that I can love with all of my heart, soul, and mind and a comfortable job where I do not have to be constantly stressed out.  Sure, having lots of money would really benefit me, but it's only money.  Money does not equal happiness.  I do not know if I will ever be truly happy, but I have confidence within myself that someday, I will be able to wherever life leads me.

  Whenever people learn that I am still a virgin they need to understand something.  It's not just a race or just a step toward adulthood.  It's something that you must wait for, but grasp it and enjoy it when it actually occurs.  Honestly, I really don't think that I would enjoy the 'intercourse' part of sex very much.  Ask me if I would in three or four years and it may be a different story.  I'm the type of guy that really enjoys everything else, especially being sensual.

  I'm pretty lonely right now, but not near as bad as my first month of college.  I'm talking to a few people down here now at least.  Another thing is that I can't wait for love to come into my life.  Eventually it will, but I must be patient.  But when it comes, I will welcome it with open arms.  I can't wait to have moonlit walks, give her more roses than she could possibly count, walk slowly hand-in-hand through a park, candlelight dinners, slow dancing, feel those soft and delicate lips against my own, take her to the movies, lay in a field of grass watching the clouds, hold her in my arms for as long as need be, gaze at the stars, watch sunsets, fall asleep beside the one I love, cuddle with her, walk along the beach digging our toes in the sand and enjoying the waves, look deeply into her beautiful, boundless eyes for many minutes or hours, whisper softly into her ear, watch her as she sleeps, and laugh with her about the stupid little things.  I really want to experience these things, but again, I must wait, because all good things come in time.

   What is your ultimate goal in life?  This tends to be a very good question to be asked to a young person, in which, they will probably not have thought much about.  When you reach that age when you aren't exactly an adult, but you aren't exactly a child, the question may come up to you as it has to me.  It is a very troubling question to some and a very easy answer for others.  Some may answer a decent job, to be happy, or to raise a beautiful family.  It is probably a mixture of all three.  Unfortunately, all of our lives, certain people have really helped us along on the goal, but really it's all up to you to execute it.  Money cannot truly buy any of the aspects that we need to achieve our ultimate goal.  Some people will have to work harder than others to achieve their goals and many unfortunately will fail.  For example, you could raise a family and have a well-paying job, but not have happiness.  I really don't like that these values have been driven into our brains year after year in our childhood.  Near the age of adulthood, I believe that these young, maturing souls should look deep within theirselves and try as best as they can to answer the question, "what do I want out of life."  It is a very difficult question that many, including myself, have not been able to answer this question very clearly or precisely.  The idea of 'wanting' something is different from person to person.  Some people, they simply want something and receive it easily, while others must work very hard to get what they want.  Remember to always keep the big picture in mind.  So the next time that a decision comes up, just think about the small and the big picture.  If you know that something that you want is unable to be achieved, just keep your hopes up, because anything is possible.  Personally, I think that having a good job is the least important thing in my life right now and that happiness and creating a family is much more important.  I would must rather someone comment on my life by saying that I had a terrible job, than have them say that I was constantly depressed or wasn't a good father/husband.

   Purity is something that almost everyone is judged by in current society.  How important is purity to you?  Some tend to find it rather insignificant, while others see it as being very imporant to one's identity.  Practically no one at the age of early adulthood is completely pure, but there are a very select few.  Purity is directly related to your outlook on life.  If you are of the position that "I could be dead tomorrow," then your purity would probably tend to be lower than a person that could be "waiting to experience things later."  From what I've noticed in society, many would probably be more likely to agree with "I could be dead tomorrow."  Personally, I would probably find myself in the top one quarter of the most pure people out there.  Is that good or bad?  I'm not exactly sure of the answer to that, but I'd like to think that it would be good.  I'm not going to change my current outlook on life just to be a little bit more on the wild side.  There is no point to even think of doing that actually.

   This paragraph will be interesting and is an extension of my paragraph earlier.  Why do people have sex?  For the pleasure?  For that 'connection' between two people?  For the fun?  For the love?  For the compassion?  For the experience?  For completing another 'step' in their life?  For the sake of doing it?  I see sexual intercourse as something almost sacred, even though I'm not religious at all.  But my views are different than practically everyone else.  I cannot judge people by how many partners they have had or how frequently it occurs.  Many people I talk to though make the mistake of going too fast and rushing into it.  I know if the hottest girl that I've ever seen walked in the room right now and asked me if I wanted to do that, my answer would definitely be no.  Sex is all about the love to me.  Being able to feel that 'connection' and sharing the experience with each other has to be truly indescribable.  I want to experience that pretty bad, but I know that waiting will be so much more worth it.  I want to know that when I turn thirty or forty, I will be able to look back upon that moment and know how special it was to me.  I wouldn't be surprised if I hit the age of 21 without having sex, but I'd much rather have sex once with a woman that I love with all of my heart and soul, than have sex a thousand times with women that I feel nothing for.  It's just what I believe and those of you that can have what I'd like to have, good for you and enjoy it.

   Are you afraid of change?  Are you afraid of some important figure in your life changing?  A certain aspect of your life changing?  Change is a very important topic in our daily lives.  Some people welcome change, others are neutral, while others hate change.  It's a very interesting topic to get on, because everyone handles it differently.  I really do not know what to say about it personally, because I'm not really that sure about my own personal conclusion.  I just find change as a very essential question to life.

 

 

 

   This summer will be especially interesting to see how I handle my life.  Will I be happy and relaxed or stressed and depressed?  Who knows?  I hope summer goes well as I go into my freshman year of college.